Lemme tell you about how hard it is to burn bridges. When you’re single, you think there are billions of people in the world. But when you finally like someone, the world is reduced to you and those who matter to you. Maybe that is the same logic as to why getting over someone or forgetting someone who shared a special moment with you.

There’s this guy I “dated” on and off for almost three years. “Dated” is defined as going out exclusively for the said date. So after years of going out and spending time whenever his schedule permits, I decided to throw in the towel. Having influenced by Delamar of “THE morning rush”, I decided that I don’t and won’t need guys I dated since I have a lot of friends. Hence, burning some important and worthless bridges (let us not identify which is which).

One soul, however, still couldn’t get it. Three attempts of friend-ing and unfriending me on facebook wasn’t enough for him to get the message. So for the last time, I added him, chatted with him and told him the point before unfriending him for the 4^th (and hopefully) the last time. My message: why go out with me when you have someone else in mind? Why did you give me false hopes when you already have someone? why keep me on your network when you’re already taken?

Answers to those questions are no longer necessary. Yes, stalking is fun for the bored and the bitter heart. But at the end of the day, marinating in the memory of something I will never have again is worse than thinking endless what-might-have-beens. Or maybe not.

The advent and power of social media allowed me to vehemently promote my presence and unfriend those poor souls. However, their presence couldn’t be completely ignored. Among the millions of users of social networking sites in the world, you’re still bound to get news feeds, pictures, etc from them whether you like it or not, because the world is small enough to orchestrate things and allow you to have an encounter with you and your ex-something’s mutual friends.

Oh dear, 3 years is such a waste of time. And so is eleven months in a bad romance. I rest my case.

well, we’re friends, but i am keeping my distance. we used to be friends, but due to recent events he moved away and never looked back. if you find him interesting, you can follow him on twitter, or on his blog. he updates it religiously. according to those who gave their comments, he’s a great loss. i understand where you’re coming from.i know he’s a good friend–he was. he  the GREATEST spoiler i’ve ever known. i kinda miss the intelligent conversations (aka practicing speaking in english with him while getting my message across), the out-of-the-box surprises and gastronomic trips.

latest news: he un-friended me on facebook. and i totally understand it. prince or no prince, my decision holds true. this is my life, allow me to make mistakes, and yes, i made a lot apparently.

xoxo,
cubi

i didn’t want to write in response to the post written for me and intended for the whole world to see; but i felt that somehow, i could have prevented this to happen if i only swallowed my ego and explained my side right away. unfortunately, people and recurring issues can be stressful sometimes and i wanted to be spared from all of it.

just to set things straight,i said that i LIKED him before. if you ask me now, (and i have told him a gazillion times before) i can tell you with all honesty that i gave up on him. i do not see myself with him anymore as i have accepted certain things in life such as “growing old with someone i love is optional”, as well as “friendship is more important than a romantic relationship”. in the same manner, i was awakened by the fact that hanging out with a guy who likes me would mean giving him HOPE that one day, i’ll realize his worth, love every inch of him and understand him.

i had offered my friendship before i stopped entertaining the thought that there’s a romantic future between us and i made it clear that that’s only how far it’ll go for both of us. hence, i believed, and i still do that i can hope on other people, drunk dial my ex, go out with other people and have as much fun as i want to (without undermining the care and concern i have for someone i LIKED).

i think that i blurted out my frustrations to my friends. and i certainly did not intend the rest of the world to know. i do not wish to resolve things that i have no control of. i can only hope for the best.

this quarter has been a very interesting quarter for me as i’ve encountered princes in different shapes and sizes, and how life-changing they can be sometimes.

i’d like to think that i am smart enough to distinguish a frog from a prince,and how to value friendships without losing self-respect.

–cubi, sleepy

and i hope people see that in me.

my life is not perfect and i am working hard to fulfill my dreams. i have to be reminded of this everyday.

and if all else fails, i’d like to know if you can be there for me.

–cubi, sleepy

i still daydream that one day someone would promise me an everlasting opportunity of being with him (in this world).

i had a boyfriend before and before we even got to the point of growing with each other’s company, the dream died.

now, having survived a quarter of a century with scarred heart and awful memories, i am planning a wedding for my sister. it’s going to be a decent wedding, and i plan to make my sister happy by giving her a good wedding experience.

as we go to the littlest detail, it dawned on me that i have not fully envisioned a dream wedding and post-wedding scenario for myself. or maybe i used to have very detailed plans on what to wear and the motif of my wedding, but i can never imagine what i’ll be like after the wedding. will i be like mom and be the martyr of the family? will i cheat on my better half and ask for forgiveness and turn into an evil partner and parent (just like my dad)? will i die alone in frustration and sadness after wasting my serendipitous encounters with “the one”?

life is short and though i have wasted my youth, i still cling on to the promise that the race is long, and sometimes, my only enemy is myself. if i let sadness and pain eat me, how can i move on to the better things life has to offer?

i still feel 16, only i have a scarred but still functioning heart.

–cubi, not making any sense

There was a man who loves her
He does not care about her past
He wants to be part of her life
She’s just not ready to take on another fight

There is a man
Who has moved on with his life
He doesn’t know she thinks of him sometimes
And wonders if he thinks of her too

There is this moment waiting to happen
When the universe will conspire
And finally give her the peace that she wants
No more wrath, she’s had enough.

win-win situation (c/o postsecret.com)

things are different now. i am now used to leaving people if it means making them happier. i am also determined to fulfill my dreams, because that’s the only thing that i have right now. thanks to her, letting go is easier, and now i am happy i did years ago.

my first boyfriend’s mom was unaware that I had a relationship with their son. my other ex-boyfriend’s mom was scarily nice to me when i met her but i discovered all the nasty things she said about me and my family behind my back. the guy i dated on and off for years has a mom who told me to stay away from her son. i had a similar story with the mom of some guy i dated way back in college.

among the many horror stories i had with mothers, i had my fair share of horror stories with my own mom. one pre-menopausal episode with my mom made her lock us (aka me and my sister) out of our little house one summer night. it was only when i got older that i realized that incident was part of her menopausal tantrums, and the 40-year gap (aka having kids at a later age) was not helpful at all.

this is originally a tribute to all the loving moms and to my mom as well. but since mother’s day has passed (and all i did was whine about how miserable life has been to me now that i am actively seeking employment), i am hoping that i can still post this, in the spirit of “rent”: no day but today.

i will never understand how or why mothers suddenly turn into monsters. in the same manner that i will never know when i will look back at this blog post and remind myself how a woman sees the universe now that she has to shelter her child from the world.

i guess, this is my way of justifying things. i’ve been treated badly by mothers but i still look up to them.

i think mothers make difficult choices. and in the process of doing so, the decisions that they make can sometimes affect other people without them knowing the consequences of their actions. believe me, we are all products of the trials and errors that mothers make. every single day.

i pray that one day i’ll grow up to be a fine lady who is far wiser than some of the moms i mentioned.

cubi, nostalgic

please add me up on facebook, my username is my real name: nelli cubarrubia.

thanks! and see you there!

—cubi, will wait for u on facebook. here’s to mafia wars and bumper stickers.